It Is All About Loving Yourself

Everybody knows these days when even the most confident person has his or her moment and tends to be very self-conscious (and don’t anybody tell me they don’t have that because they would be a lie). Even a Kim Kardashian or Britney Spears have these moment and that is totally okay because it is human. Ever wondered how to get over it though? There are simple things you can do to build a better self-esteem without any big trick. People nowadays are so busy with trying to please everyone around them and we often forget to please ourselves and make ourselves feel better. These tips have nothing to do with being arrogant or anything, it’s all about loving yourself, the essence of being able to love others!

Check it out!

Understand It’s Not (Usually) About You

How often has this happened: You text a friend and she doesn’t respond. Your boss was brusque, or maybe you get a cool reception from a playground Mom. Your first thought is: “Uh-oh, what’d I do wrong?” Probably nothing. Though we tend to assume that others’ behavior is a direct response to some inadvertent thing we’ve done (or not done), it’s actually rarely about us. “We’re good at creating these fictions in our minds, but they’re often based on emotions, not facts,” explains Didi Zahariades, a personal coach in Portland, Oregon. “When someone’s really confident, she can run into a crabby person and just say, ‘Wow, they’re having a bad day,’” says Zahariades. “And then she goes on with her own day.”

Strike Out On Your Own

“Most people would rather have oral surgery without anesthesia than go to a fancy restaurant or an amusement park or the movies by themselves because they feel self-conscious,” says Jennifer Hancock, author of The Humanist’s Approach to Happiness: Practical Wisdom. But forcing yourself to fly solo every now and again actually gives you the confidence to hold your own when you’re back at work or in a moms group where Queen Bees can dominate less confident women. “You get to know yourself better when you spend time by yourself, and you’re more confident in who you are,” says Hancock. “Then when these freaky dynamics come up in a group situation, you’re better able to brush them off.”

Make a Personal Brag List

We’re so ready to shine a spotlight on all of our screw-ups, taking stock of our accomplishments balances the scale a bit, says psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription For Happiness. Start by jotting down 30 “victories.” It doesn’t need to be save-the-world, rocket-science stuff. Just consider the positive things you’ve done, big or small: Graduated college. Scored a promotion. Adopted a stray cat. Paid off a credit card. Shaved seconds off your run time. Cooked a great dinner. If you’re really reaching, “Got out of bed today” counts too, says Lombardo. “Sure, you’ve done things wrong, but there are a gazillion things you’ve done right. Focusing on those makes you say, “I’m not so bad. I’ve overcome some big challenges.”

Blow Your Reflection a Kiss

Giving yourself a little air kiss is “an affirmation that you’re beautiful,” says Alexandra Glumac, who lectures on psychology and communications at Governor’s State University, University of St. Francis and South Suburban College in Chicago. “Women are so nitpicky about their looks. [Blowing a kiss to ourselves] affirms our beauty regardless of whether we feel our hair isn’t right, our tummies aren’t right, we’re carrying too much or too little up on top, we’re wearing sweats or dressed for a night on the town.” The first few times you might feel a little self-conscious, but hang in, says Glumac. “The more you do it, the more you start to believe in it and you start to behave that way.”

Change Your Tone of Voice

Put more energy into your voice and you’ll sound and feel more confident, says Lombardo. “Talking in a small voice can make you feel weak. But when you’re energetic, passionate and excited, you exude more confidence.” Pay attention to your tone as well. Women tend to end their sentences on a high note, like a question. “Doing that makes it sound like you’re unsure, as if you’re asking if what you’re saying is true, rather than making a statement,” says Lombardo. Instead, make an effort to lower your voice when you complete a sentence. “When you speak with authority, you’re perceived as confident and you feel that way, too.”

 

Stand Tall

Your body language can change the way you view yourself, says Lombardo. “Acting confident by smiling, standing tall with your shoulders back and head up and walking with a bit of a swagger can help you feel confident even when you don’t,” explains Lombardo. “When your body plays the role of being confident, your mind starts to take cues from it and the result is you do feel more confident.”

 

Wear the Sexy Underwear

No need to wait for date night. Ditch those granny panties and dress up down under! Slipping on some R-rated lingerie beneath your work clothes makes you walk a little taller, says Glumac. “That helps create the mindset that you are really sexy, and that makes you feel good about yourself.”

Be Outrageously Positive

(One I personally definitely try to remember everyday:))

Think how many times you’re asked “How are you doing?” Instead of groaning, “I’m so exhausted” or “I’m so stressed,” try responding “I’m phenomenal!” Or “I feel amazing!” “Launching into all of your complaints just makes you feel worse,” says Glumac. “But when we focus on the positive things in our lives, our mood is more upbeat and optimistic and that can’t help but boost our confidence.”

Copy a Good Role Model

If you don’t feel particularly confident, look around your circle of friends for someone who is, then mimic their behavior, suggests Allison Cohen, a Beverly Hills marriage and family therapist. “There’s a body posture, a way of speaking and making eye contact, all kinds of cues that you completely miss because you’re not used to experiencing them.” Initially this exercise will feel like an ongoing game of Make Believe, says Cohen. But that’s the point: You’re pretending to be self-confident by modeling your friends’ behavior, until you actually feel confident. “When you stop noticing that you’re pretending to be confident, you’ll have become more self-confident.”

Remember What You Are Good At

Everyone is good at something. Maybe you’re fluent in several languages, or know how to tango or write a really funny blog or make amazing home-baked bread. In the moments when you feel your confidence slipping, it helps to recall that you have a talent that others don’t, says Cohen. Pretty cool, huh?

 

Take 10 Minutes to Exercise

Doing a quick morning workout before you hop in the shower helps you start your day with confidence, says Chicago health and fitness coach Stephanie Mansour of Step It Up with Steph. “Even if you don’t physically see a difference, you feel different and your body image improves,” she says. Try sprinting up and down your stairs, jogging in place to your favorite song, doing 40 squats, 50 crunches or 20 push-ups. “These quick moves take no time to do and leave you feeling stronger and more confident throughout the day.” Plus, there’s a feeling of accomplishment that goes with fitting in even 10 minutes of exercise. And that makes it more likely you’ll work out again the next day.

Post Sticky Notes

Reading is believing, says Mansour. So scribble some positive reminders to yourself, like “I am great at my job!” “I’m an awesome mom!” “My body is strong!” “I love my sharp wit!” “I’m outgoing and friendly!” Then scatter them where you’ll see them regularly. You can even program calendar reminders to pop up every few hours on your smart phone or computer screen. Why does this help? “Your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between what you experience and what you tell yourself is true,” explains Mansour. “So if you look at the mirror and read ‘I’m fabulous!’ how you think and feel about yourself improves.”

 

Sort Out the “Shoulds”

This here is an important one for me too….grrr.:)

We all get caught up in Shoulds: I should lose 10 pounds, call my mother-in-law, get more exercise, accept that promotion, and on and on. But, there is a difference between the things we truly want to take on and those we take on because we feel they’re expected of us. “That tug of war between your authentic wants and others’ expectations can really drain your confidence, according to Alice Chan, Ph.D., author of Reach Your Dreams: 5 Steps To Be A Conscious Creator In Your Life. For every “Should” that pops up, Chan says, ask yourself Why? Is it something you’re doing for yourself because you want to… or because someone else — your mother, your husband, your friends — thinks you should? “Sort out whose rules you’re following,” says Chan. “Disregard the ‘Shoulds’ that don’t serve you, and then change the ones that do into ‘Wants.’ When you make conscious choices, you feel confident in your decisions.”

Push Yourself Physically

And this one is sooo true:)

Test the limits of your endurance and you’ll really see what you’re made of — and that you can probably accomplish a lot more than you thought you could. “When I run, I feel physically and mentally strong, like I can do and handle anything that comes my way,” says Lori Buswell, a nanny in San Diego. “Afterward, I still feel that confidence boost because I’ve done something that wasn’t easy, but worth it.”

Remove Can’t From Your Vocabulary

Team Obama, “Yes we can”:)

The word “can’t” is defeatist, says Tisa Mendoza, creator of the grassroots self-empowerment campaign Be You: Love Your Self; Love Your Life. Using more positive phrases, she says, even when you’re saying “No,” actually helps to promote self-esteem. “Phrases like ‘I can’ and ‘I will’ are essential to boosting self-confidence,” she explains. “People who lack self-confidence think they can’t do anything. But by consciously changing your language, you change the way you think about yourself.” So the next time you’re about to respond “I can’t” to a request, project or invitation, put a more positive spin on your response. I can’t bake cookies for the bake sale becomes I can get some cookies from the bakery. I can’t make the party becomes I’ve got another commitment, let’s do it another time. “You never want to declare that you’re not able to do anything,” says Mendoza.

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~ by Colorful Soul on 03/18/2012.

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