What A Woman Really Wants!

Just to say this up front, I really do believe every man should read this…Maybe if we write it down they will finally understand it:)

To feel loved

Simply put, women need to feel loved. A women feels loved when she is number one in her partner’s life. She needs to know he values her over the job, friends, coworkers, hunting, golf, his mom, and the kids. If a woman perceives she takes second place in any area of her man’s priorities, she will start to build a wall that protects her emotionally. She will pull away and not see her man as a safe person she can trust with all of her vulnerabilities. If she does not feel safe and loved by her man she will then begin to deny her need to feel loved, or worse, get the need met someone else. Either way the relationship suffers when this dynamic occurs and will often lead to the relationship ending. Again I will say, in order for a woman to feel loved she needs to feel first in her man’s world.

Communication takes priority over sex

Women love sex, but differently than men do. Women love sex that comes as a result of feeling loved, while for a man desire is far more sight-stimulated. A man might even want his partner sexually even in a bad marriage. Women are more driven to sex when communication levels are high and she feels her words and feelings (and thus herself) are valued. For women, emotional and sexual intimacy is developed outside the bedroom. If the relationship feels neglected in the other areas of the house she will not want to have fun with you inside the bedroom. Women need to talk and be listened to about all the areas of their life no matter how mundane you perceive them. When we do our training Marriage Skills for Police Marriages we tell men, if you want good sex, give good communication. If the communication is not there, women’s libidos go down and they often report they do not enjoy or desire sexual encounters with their man.

Non-sexual touch

Touch is very important to women, but if they feel every touch leads to sex she will begin to not touch her man or be unwilling to receive his touch. Most women want to hold hands, give and receive massages, or simple slaps on the tush. They want to experience freely the touch that is only reserved for romantic relationships, but if her man believes the only purpose for that type of touch is foreplay, she often stops touching because she feels devalued.

Romance. It’s another night on the couch with take-out and TiVo? Just because we’re staying in doesn’t mean the evening can’t be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, making out in the car, kissing like when we first started dating—all of the things that made us fall in love with you don’t have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids that need to get bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We’re not talking $100 bouquets of roses here.  Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile


This doesn’t mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually, no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you’re coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure.


We understand relationships can’t be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says “love” more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not take vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry?  If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you’ll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back



Able to assert her needs

Being involved with or married to a cop involves a different dynamic than the average marriage. In talking with police wives one dynamic I find that runs rampart is the denial of self over the good of the job. Police wives often feel they fail in comparison to the work their husband is doing, and that their needs do not matter as much. They will often put themselves on the back burner as their husband goes out and saves the day. Police spouses value and understand what their LEO does and will be their biggest cheerleader, but they need to know their needs are important to you as well. They need to know that they can ask you to help around the house, for some time with you alone, or some me time. If the wife feels she is competing in importance with your job she will become resentful from feeling alone. The job you will someday retire from, and hopefully your spouse will still be there to enjoy it with you.


Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies and minds. You don’t have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.



~ by Colorful Soul on 05/03/2012.

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